I didn't blog yesterday because I just had so much going on. It seems everything is cleared up with the miscommunication about D and all of my information has been recorded correctly. This has been my main and only concern for the last week. I wasn't sure what the outcome would be but luckily it has been taken care of.
I realized yesterday that I had not been considerate in getting current information to everyone so I sent an email apologizing. I did not receive any type of reply to the email and feel a little hurt myself. I prefer that when people are upset or angry they tell me directy. However, today I did receive a call from one family member and we had a nice conversation. I again apologized and completely understand why they were upset.
I think everyone is having a hard time dealing with the changes. Things simply aren't as they use to be and that is out of our control. Having a job such as the one that my husband has is not by any means what I consider an easy life. I don't talk about it much here on this blog for one simple reason....I am not allowed. Not having the simple day to day things that other people take for granted is not easy. Spending many holidays and family occasions apart and alone. Not every being able to plan anything for certain. Never knowing where he is or what danger he might be in. Receiving little if any communication for long periods of time and most importantly having to say goodbye to your best friend. In my case my only friend! These are just some of the things that are not easy for other people to understand nor could just anyone do this. With all this considered it can sometimes be very hard to think of others.
I don't have anyone at the end of the day to tell how my week is going. I spend most of my days and all of my nights alone. I repeatedly check my email hoping there might be a simply one line email saying " Hi I am fine and I love you" , there are no hugs, little laughter and even less conversation. Oh I do spend time talking with my dogs. They seem to care, listen and as all canines they are concerned.
While the rest of the world around me goes on as if nothing is different...my whole world has changed. Why would I do this? Why would I live this life. Simply because it is mine.
This is a really hard time for me and hopefully I will be forgiven.
Today was one of those days that I hope for...I was a little surprised because I did receive a short email from D yesterday letting me know that he was ok. It was really nice to hear from him and know that everything is going well. I sent back a short email to let him know that we are good and that I had received his.